You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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