Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
