I'll bet she douches with gravy.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
