sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I got chris browned last night
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
