I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
