recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
