why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
