Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
