He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
