Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize