Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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