No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
