When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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