at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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