So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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