When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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