I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
