Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
