Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
ugly people sure do ruin things
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
