come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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