school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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