Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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