Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
