She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
