Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
