She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
