If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The uberlube is also flammable
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
