I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
