I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
