I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
