Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
