We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
