So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
