That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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