so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
