last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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