capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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