He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Randomize
