One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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