Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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