Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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