I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
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