Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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