my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
