FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
