Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
