i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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