my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
