Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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