I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
