tell your sister to shave her snatch
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
