forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
