My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
