If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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