When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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