Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
